The Sunday morning parade
Summer seasons of late have found Miss Trixie and Ol’ Dutch involved in more things than I can count. This past month we have been busier than a mosquito at a nudist convention, with no end in sight.
Miss Trixie and my ever-handsome-and-talented-if-not-humble self have been leading the praise and worship on Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings at The Chapel of the South Fork. And that means at least once a week Ol’ Dutch has to put on some clothes other than the daily camouflage attire that lets me hide from working too hard.
Of course, for men, dressing up means opening the closet and grabbing any pair of pants and a semi-clean shirt, and we are ready to go. And since most churches are casual attire that makes it easy for any man to comply.
Matching said items only becomes important after you are harmoniously attached to a female partner, and they prevent their man from mixing plaid patterns with stripes or polka dots.
But with the female of the species getting ready for church involves way more than simply putting on what's readily available. Church outings, at least at our abode, involve Miss Trixie pulling out a couple hundred clothes and trying them all on, sometimes in layers that make Aunt Edna's nine-layer cake look like beginners' work.
Why just last Sunday Ol’ Dutch was subjected to what every man fears. The dreaded parade through the living room of a fully dressed Miss Trixie and the feared “how does this look” questions. Now Ol’ Dutch has been around that block for many a year in my past life, but it still took all my years of practice to be able to give the “right” answers.
This routine is nothing new as it's been practiced by women down through the ages to get compliments from their man who is absorbed in the latest issue of Outdoor Life Magazine. It's more commonly known as the time where the man of the house sits dressed and ready to go and the lady of the castle tries on outfit after outfit parading through the living room asking, “how does this look?”
It's not as bad as the “does this outfit make me look fat?” question that men are asked as that is only a set up for a fight and then having to take them out to dinner to make up for your answer. Which is kind of silly considering eating out may increase the odds of that question being self-fulfilling. Well, filling, at least.
But there sat Ol’ Dutch on Sunday morning having to give his cultured fashion opinion about how Miss Trixie’s outfit looked. You have to know that I did my best and was at least halfway honest and, in the end, I suddenly realized all she wanted was conversation. Because when all was said and done, she chose what she liked anyway.
I believe the safest thing to say is “I am really unsure. I think you need to try on some more for comparison.” This gives the lady the impetus she needs to go whole hog and try on everything she owns and that makes her happiest.
At that point, a man is as safe as can be as he can always say “I like that better than the last one”. And at least you didn't remark about her exposed varicose veins, childbearing bump, her caboose being enhanced or her turkey neck poking out of the top of the dress.
Speaking of more events to come, we are fast approaching this year’s Fashion Show at the Chapel of the South Fork on August 12th. This is an annual event to showcase the fashionable clothes that are offered at the Chapel Thrift Store in South Fork. As anyone will tell you, it is the event of the season.
This is a ladies-only excursion which means they get to leave Old Grumpy at home and dress up for a scrumptious lunch and a runway presentation put on by the pretty ladies of the area.
Along with food and fashion, you also get first class entertainment. Ticket reservations are required. Contact The Chapel of the South Fork at 719-873-5753 for more information. Doors open Thursday, Aug 12 at 11:30 a.m. You may even grab a glimpse of Miss Trixie in some fetching outfit and Cooper, the wonder Yorkie.